bank n. A business concern which operates by cozening its customers into lending it their money at a low rate of interest, so that it may lend said money back to them at higher interest, with obvious consequences to the respective purses.

beauty n. A divinely subtle quality of character. Commonly hawked by empty-headed models, and bought and sold by the jar in department stores.

bicycle n. A two-wheeled velocipede, seen on streets as a target and on sidewalks as a menace.

bingo n. A form of legalized gambling, operated by carnival tricksters, churches, and others of that ilk. Very attractive to widows and other lonely people who are old enough to understand their chances of winning and thus ought to know better.

birthday n. An event which occurs yearly on the anniversary of the date on which one was born, the accumulation of which is seen as justification for terminating the employment of a perfectly competent individual in favor of one whose youth does not permit of sufficient wisdom to qualify for the position in question.

book n. A collection of marks on paper, the meaning of which is incomprehensible to the average college graduate. See also school.

boxing n. In its professional form, a hideously barbaric exhibition of brutality whose purpose is to line its promoters' pockets at the expense of two brain-damaged victims who attempt to batter each other into insensibility using padded gloves so as to prolong the spectacle. In its amateur form, an occasionally dazzling exhibition of physical skill and endurance, staged between two young men who may, if they persist at it long enough, have the misfortune to become professionals.

bride n. A woman whose radiant white-wrapped splendor, beautiful as a mayfly and equally transitory, derives from the profligate accumulation by her father of financial obligations that are likely to outlast her state of connubial bliss.