democracy n. A form of government in which all the citizens have equal voice regardless of their race, color, creed, etc. A term commonly applied to the government of the United States of America; hence, a figment of the imagination.

dictionary n. A collection of what the editors fondly hope passes for educational material, intended to record how words are used. Widely believed to prescribe the correct usage of language, in consequence of which belief the language is rapidly going to hell in a handbasket.

diet n. Formerly, a list of the things one ate. Presently, a list of the things one doesn't eat, prescribed by authorities who tend to die at an early age from the maladies their diets are supposed to have prevented.

doctor n. An individual who is paid large sums of money by others who have become ill. With this arrangement it is clearly in a doctor's best interest to keep his patients ill (or at least believing that they are ill), so as to extract more money from them. The Chinese, on the other hand, pay their doctors to keep them healthy--if a patient's health fails, so does the supply of his money.

dog n. A hairy creature whose appetite makes clear its close kinship to the wolf, whose grooming and medical bills can devastate its owner's bank account in a matter of days, and whose return for such investment is to demand that it be accompanied on a twice-daily stroll to a fire hydrant three blocks away.