history n. A detailed record of past events; or, more often, a whitewashing of those same events.
| History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark. | |
| --John Whorfin, character in film The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension | |
honest adj. Formerly, an adjective meaning not prone to prevarication or other corruption. Presently applied to politicians. Refers to one who, having decided whose graft to accept, declines to accept anyone else's.
| I have known a vast quantity of nonsense talked about bad men not looking you in the face. Don't trust that conventional idea. Dishonesty will stare honesty out of countenance, any day in the week, if there is anything to be got by it. | |
| --Charles Dickens, "Hunted Down" | |
hot tub n. A two- or four-person container in which those who believe that cleanliness is next to godliness can be washed of their sins even as they commit them.
| Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Californians don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in hot tubs. |
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| --anonymous, from The Canonical Collection of Light Bulb Jokes | |
house n. A hole in the ground over which its future owner dwells while pouring huge sums of money into its maintenance, much as with a sailboat except that the latter is sometimes a wetter hole than the former.
hunting n. Formerly, a hit-or-miss means of securing meat for one's table. Presently, a sporting pastime involving the use of weapons technology sufficient to eliminate the element of sport.
| Though the boys throw stones at frogs in sport, yet the frogs do not die in sport but in earnest. | |
| --Plutarch, "Which Are the Most Crafty, Water or Land Animals?" | |