The Curmudgeon's Dictionary

taste n. An indefinable ability to distinguish excellence from mediocrity; hence, my reason for liking fine Scotch whisky and your excuse for swilling expensive rotgut.

De gustibus non est disputandum. (There's no accounting for some people's tastes.)

	--Ancient Latin proverb

taxation n. Legalized theft of individuals' money by a government in order to pay other individuals who pass and enforce the tax laws. Synonym: tyranny.

Once I remember in London how I saw Pale shabby people standing in a long Line in the twilight and the misty rain To pay their tax. I then saw England plain.

	--Alice Duer Miller, "The White Cliffs"

television n. A device for inducing mass imbecilism. Operates by stultifying the brain. Particularly effective due to its magnetic appeal to the average adult (q.v.).

We face the question whether a still higher "standard of living" is worth its cost... For us of the minority, the opportunity to see geese is more important than television.

	--Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac

terrorist n. An individual (cabal, clique, junta, etc.) presently either in or out of power, who works or attempts to work his (her, its, etc.) will not by firebrand but by firestorm.

time n. A commodity much like Goldilocks' porridge, of which there is always too much or too little, and which, like Goldilocks, we use incautiously to our undoing.

tourist n. An individual armed with a camera, who goes about oohing and ahhing over the beauty of the sights he will see when his pictures come back from processing. Many tourists are possessed of a strong sense of history, and so make sure to leave a record of their passing.

And on the pedestal these words appear, "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings! Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" Also the names of Emory P. Gray, Mr. and Mrs. Dukes, and Oscar Baer, Of 17 West 4th Street, Oyster Bay.

	--Morris Bishop, "Ozymandias Revisited"

typewriter n. Formerly, a writing machine kept in an office to produce text more legible than that produced by handwriting. Presently, a writing machine kept in an attic to produce nostalgia, or a class of typefaces employed by advertisers for the same purpose.